Lemonade & Kidneys

Off We Go

2012-02-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

Library books are on hand, the fridge is clean, work is caught up. I report at 6AM tomorrow and by noon I should have three kidneys.

See you on the other side....

Countdown to February 16

2012-02-06T18:32:00.001-05:00

So it seems that I'm actually somewhat stressed about the upcoming transplant, as evidenced by the violent nightmares I've been having and the utter losing-of-my-shit that transpired yesterday (complete with yelling, throwing of inanimate objects, and a good half-hour cry on the bathroom floor). And I thought I was doing so well.

I like to be ready for things, and it turns out that there's a lot that one just can't plan ahead when facing major surgery. Who knew? But I have crossed a number of things off my get-ready-list, including buying a new bathrobe and refinancing the mortgage. The taxes are almost finished and I may or may not get around to cleaning the basement, which I'm almost okay with. Now, if I could only get the damn laundry folded.

The next 9 days are going to feel like suspended animation as I try hard not to get sick (which would postpone the surgery) and obsess about my to-do list. If you run into Michael, buy him a Scotch, won't you? He's earned it.

***

FAQs about the Transplant

Why did my kidneys fail (on the off-chance there are readers here who haven't been around forever)?
I have a genetic disease called polycystic kidney disease which causes large cysts to grow in the kidneys, creating scar tissue in their path and eventually causing the kidneys to fail. (My kidney function started to slide about 6 years ago.) One in 600 Americans is affected by PKD, and each child of a PKD patient has a 50/50 chance of having PKD.

How am I getting a new kidney?
I'm incredibly lucky that my older brother is a compatible blood type to me and is willing to give me one of his kidneys. And that I have private insurance and a supportive family and a flexible work schedule. Most kidney patients are not so lucky.

Will the new kidney grow cysts eventually?
Nope. PKD is genetic and my older brother does not have PKD. As his kidney has its own (PKD-free) DNA, it will not develop cysts.

What happens to my old kidneys?
My old kidneys are staying put for now. They are terribly enlarged and uncomfortable (and responsible for my poor digestion and unneeded weight loss over the last year), but they will stay in until I'm "kidney stable." They're still working a little (about 14%), and until we're sure the new kidney is going to function and not be rejected, they're staying in. We'll revisit that discussion in 6-12 months; until then, I'm gonna have three kidneys. Please don't point and stare when you see me.

How long is the hospitalization and recovery?
I'll be in the hospital for about 5 days, and on non-driving restrictions for about a month, depending on how things go. Leave book and Netflix suggestions in the comments!

What's this about rejection?
The most crucial aspect of managing life post-transplant is avoiding rejection of the new organ. I'll receive strong IV drugs in the hospital for a few days, then receive maintenance doses of immunosuppressants that I'll have to take for the rest of my life - without them, my body will see the new kidney as a foreign invader and will fight it off. The good news is that the meds have come a long way, and while it used to be standard for transplantees to take prednisone (a steroid) for the rest of their lives, the newer drugs have much fewer nasty side effects. The bad news is, it's still immunosuppression, and I can expect to get sick more often. My father was often in and out of emergency rooms with cellulitis and other opportunistic infections, so I kind of know what I'm in for.

What is it like living in an immune-supressed state? What restrictions will I have?
For the first month, I'm going to play it by ear. But as it's cold and flu season, I'm going to err on the side of caution and not put myself in situations where I'm exposed to large groups of people and their germs. My transplant center is less conservative than most, but for the initial 6 months, I'll be avoiding sushi, hot tubs, and cleaning up after the dog. Unfortunately, due to soil-borne pathogens, I won't be allowed to garden for 3-5 months, which will pretty much kill the 2012 growing season (sob). But it's a small price to pay.

How long will this kidney last me?
The average lifespan of a transplanted kidney from a living, related donor is 12 years. That being said, my dad's first (living, related donor) transplant lasted him almost 20 years, and my brother and I are both in good health (aside from the pesky kidney failure). So I expect to get at least 20 years out of it.

What happens then?
Back to the beginning, trying for a transplant in any way possible. If that doesn't work, then dialysis. We'll worry about that when the time comes.

How are Michael and the kids dealing with everything?
Michael could probably use a few good, stiff drinks by this point, if not a vacation. The kids are reacting appropriately, which is to say that they are a little worried that it will be tough at first, but optimistic that eventually their mom is going to feel better and have more energy than she has in a long time. Michael will be home with me while I recuperate, so by April, I may just put him on a plane to anywhere for a sanity break.

How am I going to let you know what's going on?
I'm not sure whether there is wireless in the patient rooms at my hospital, but I'll post as soon as I can following the surgery. I'm going to twiddling my thumbs for a LOT of weeks at home, so prepare yourselves for an onslaught of (probably nonsensical) blogging!

Read Any Good Books Lately?

2012-01-27T17:54:00.002-05:00

Recovery from the surgery is about a month, most of which will be spent cooped up at home avoiding germs as much as humanly possible. Assuming that I'll eventually hit my limit of Netflix episodes of "Gray's Anatomy," I'm planning a kamikaze run on our local library a few days before the transplant.

So. Assume that I haven't read anything written in the last 10 years or so (sadly, this is mostly true). Recommendations? Stuff you've read and liked? Leave me comments.

ALSO, I've been getting a lot a questions on the logistics of the surgery and recovery, so am planning a FAQ post. If you've got questions, spill 'em now.

Pre-admission testing is Tuesday. Squee!

In Honor of Etta James

2012-01-20T19:14:00.001-05:00

AT LAST!

Tentative transplant date is February 16.

Perpetual Anticipation

2012-01-17T17:26:00.002-05:00

Still waiting. One or two tests came back just weird enough that further analysis needed to be done, adding yet more weeks to this seemingly endless process. But what I fervently believe to be the last box to be checked is being checked this week, which hopefully means that next week we should finally be informed of a date for my kidney transplant.

It seems ludicrous to complain of how difficult the wait has been, when the hard part is really still to come. But the wait has been excruciating: the not knowing, the false alarms, the potential for it all going to pot at any moment have all taken their toll.

At the risk of jinxing things, I think we're getting close.

Choking

2012-01-01T20:58:00.003-05:00

Ironically, the only resolution I was circling around was to worry less in the new year.

Last year was without question the hardest and saddest of my life. If I had to pick a salient emotion to characterize it, it would be worry. Worry over my father's decline and my mother's transition to living alone, worry over her finances and estate planning, worry over my job and professional reputation, over my health and my children's bumpy transitions to adolescence, my father-in-law's broken hip, and worry over what a crappy wife, mother and friend I've been recently. To say nothing about the tanking global economy and the fact that Quinlan will be legal to drive in a little more than three months. It has been a very dark time.

I can remember feeling light-hearted exactly once in the last year. Dear friends were visiting from Colorado, and shortly before my father's death, they joined us and close local friends in an all-day barbecue on our deck. The gaggle of our collective kids romped, blew bubbles and drew with sidewalk chalk while we adults poured wine freely and talked about everything and nothing.

There was nothing earth-shattering about the conversation, but the energy of the day and the rare occasion to spend time with such special and rarely-seen friends was magical, and for several hours I was able to throw off the oppressive worry that was otherwise consuming me. It was jarring to realize, just a few days ago, that this long afternoon of friends and sunshine is the only truly light-hearted memory I have of 2011. Thus, my resolution to worry less in 2012.

So it seemed like a particularly tasteless joke to learn, hours before the new year was rung in, that our dear friend in Colorado has been diagnosed with a brain tumor that needs to come out as quickly as possible. We are doing what little we can from this distance, researching neurosurgeons in the Denver area and planning for post-recovery getaways, but we are pretty much helpless.

I am choking with the unfairness of it.

Christmas Came Early

2011-11-30T10:54:00.001-05:00

Twenty months after being "listed" for a kidney transplant and commencing the intake process with Hospital #1, I learned this week from Hospital #2 that tissue-type and antigen cross-match compatibility testing between my brother and me all came back as good news.

John has a few more tests to take, but it looks like I'm going to be getting a kidney.

Of Pedophiles and Collective Responsibility

2011-11-15T20:35:00.001-05:00

My reaction to the Penn State mess is complicated. On the one hand, I absolutely hold Curley, Schultz, Paterno and any other witnesses (whether first hand or by rumor) responsible for not adequately sounding the alarm when Sandusky's activities became known. How dare they value the sanctity of their football program and college community over the safety of those children? They deserve to be thrown out on their asses and blackballed from ever working with children (or young adults) again.

Where my reaction gets complicated is that it was fairly widely known in my town, growing up, that Gerald Klever was "inappropriate" with young teenaged girls. To my knowledge, nobody walked in on him raping anyone, but the cohort of girls several years older than me all knew that you turned down babysitting jobs at the Klevers'.

I've written before about the guilt I carry from not having reported his abuse to anyone other than my mother (and my guilt for letting her talk me in to not taking it any further, "for [my] own sake"), but shit, I was fourteen. I was a kid.

There were adults who knew what was going on. Why am I easier on them than on the Penn State crowd? Don't get me wrong, I am angry that no one in my town did anything, but I don't, in my heart, hold them to the same level of responsibility that I do the coaches and president of Penn State. Even though their silence almost certainly allowed Klever to abuse many, many other children before he was finally arrested.

The disparity in my reactions feels somehow dishonest to me, and I can't quite figure it out.

In Which Cheese Saves My Child's Life

2011-11-09T20:21:00.001-05:00

In his brother's absence this evening, Garrick was playing some solo imaginative game in his room, involving a fair degree of thumping about and general boisterousness. I was half-listening to him while resting in bed, my usual post-dinner position.

Garrick has always loved cheese. Runny, hard, stinky or sharp, he loves them all. So I wasn't too surprised to hear him banging around in the kitchen 20 minutes ago (a mere hour after dinner) putting together a cheese plate for himself as a snack.

A particularly loud closing of the pantry doors followed by a tinkle-crackle highly suggestive of breaking glass got me out of my bed, though. I flew down the stairs, expecting to find a jar of dried beans shattered and puddling around Garrick's (surley bare) feet.

But I found nothing but a puzzled 13-year-old. He'd heard the noise, too, but couldn't identify the source of it. So we hunted around the kitchen, pantries, closet and living room, and shrugged our shoulders upon finding nothing broken or knocked over. I went back to bed and Garrick ate his snack, then headed into the bathroom for his shower.

It wasn't until after his shower, when he got back to his bedroom, that we realized what had happened. The large glass globe covering the ceiling-mounted light fixture in his bedroom had inexplicably shattered, raining down glass in wicked five-inch daggers all over the bedroom. If Garrick hadn't decided to raid the cheese stash, he'd have been pelted with razor-sharp wedges of glass.

Holy crap, y'all.

For the Record

2011-10-20T09:35:00.000-04:00

I am now officially in end-stage kidney failure. GFR is down to 14%.

The good news is that after being temporarily derailed by some wonky blood work, I have been cleared medically as a candidate for transplant by the new hospital. My brother will go in for assessment as my donor in a few weeks, and we should know a lot more within a month.

Shit's getting real...

Just for Fun

2011-10-11T22:46:00.001-04:00

I use the excuse of the middle school bus to walk Theo every morning. (I certainly can't be walking my 13-year-old to the bus, right?). So we head out at 7am and Theo and I walk with Garrick part way to the bus stop, and then Theo and peel off to join our neighbors and their dogs for an exuberant romp in a nearby field.

Just because it amuses me, here is a list of the dogs who were at the dog party this morning:

Ella
Another Ella
Trixie
Tabby
Dakota
Buster
Shula
Sarah
Roscoe
Daisy
Bailey
Lola
and Theo

Theo was good and tired alllll day.

More About the Transplant

2011-09-24T10:47:00.001-04:00

The short version of the transplant saga is that Hospital #1 held onto my older brother's medical records for 15 months before rejecting him as a potential donor, based on a medication he'd been taking. He is actually no longer on this medication, but apparently Hospital #1 values their statistics over actual patient care, so after 15 months wasted, in August we found ourselves back at the beginning.

Luckily, there are a number of transplant centers in our metro area, so I quickly got on the phone and did some scouting. Of the four programs I spoke with, only one rejected my brother as a donor outright. The rest said, well, let's do some tests and base a decision on medicine. Radical, right? This past week I registered at Hospital #2, and if all goes well (we still need to run tissue typing and antigen cross-matches), we might be able to schedule the transplant for January 2012. John will be able to go in for his lab work in a week or two, so we should know fairly quickly.

As John is my only family member with my blood type (B), Plan B is for Michael to register as a paired donor (where we would be matched with another patient + donor who don't match each other, but who match us). There are more inherent risks with paired donation, and the idea of both of my children's parents undergoing major surgery does not thrill me, but it's a serviceable Plan B.

I remaining optimistic, though harried. It seems I will be job-hunting in the near future, as well, so I will be password-protecting the blog soon for the duration. Leave a comment if you will want the password, and I'll email it to you. Onward!

Keeping the Faith

2011-09-15T08:42:00.001-04:00

I had a singularly disappointing gardening season. Forget the perennial beds, badly in need of re-shaping and re-positioning of virtually every plant - the physical labor has become too much for me. But I did have hopes for the vegetable garden, which requires less muscle. I was late starting seeds, but thanks to good gardening friends, had a decent selection of tomatoes and peppers to put out.

The bunnies found their way into the enclosure and ate first the green beans, then the carrot tops, then the Swiss chard - down to the very ground. Next, the squirrels laid claim to the early tomatoes, devouring the fruit the moment a hint of red appeared. I threw up my hands, satisfied that we at least had had a decent strawberry crop, and turned my attention to finishing the kitchen renovation and trying to schedule a kidney transplant.

To my surprise, in these waning days of summer, the garden has rebounded. The cherry tomatoes are coming in sweet and thick and fast, the mini-peppers and poblanos are thriving, and there are three gorgeous eggplants almost ready to pick. The leeks have survived my benign neglect and lack of weeding, and while the beets succumbed to some mysterious ailment that caused the roots to disappear overnight, I have hope for the potatoes. The strawberry patch is happy and healthy, a good omen for next year.

I am trying to keep the faith.

Dumbfounded

2011-09-01T08:55:00.002-04:00

Can you believe this crap? At least they've stopped selling one of the shirts, but jesus christ on a triscuit, in this day and age?!

I cannot imagine the challenge of raising girls in this toxic environment. How the hell do you all do it?

Musing

2011-08-29T09:12:00.001-04:00

If my husband really loved me, he'd buy me one of these.

(Knock knock, motherfucker!)

Plagues

2011-08-26T15:09:00.003-04:00

I was thinking about the earthquake and the hurricane and what might be next. With the year we're having, of course, it's a little nervy to tempt fate by whistling in the dark, but it got me thinking about the ten plagues at Passover and, annoyed that I could only think of four of them, I turned to Mr. Google.

WELL.

(click to embiggen and please to see second listing)

It turns out we've been doing Passover wrong all these years -- we're supposed to be having FUN with the ten plagues.

We're going to have to buy new Haggadahs.

My Dreams Are Getting a Little On the Nose

2011-07-20T15:50:00.002-04:00

Last night I dreamt I was putting out fires. Like, with a fire extinguisher.

June 28, 2011

2011-07-18T12:41:00.004-04:00

I don't know how to write about my father's death. It will be three weeks tomorrow, and when I try to collect my thoughts and feelings, all I have are snapshots: his half-open eyes in the final day, when he had slipped into a coma; the pathetic thinness of his arms; holding his growing-colder head as my mother washed him prior to the arrival of the funeral home staff. The dried blood stuck in the stubble of his beard.

He fought so hard and so long. At the funeral, I wanted to say something about his determination to keep on, to stay focused on the things that mattered to him, and not to get derailed by his health trouble. I wanted to say, what an incredible gift to his children, that determination. I see it in myself and in my brothers, in different ways, but profoundly. We may none of us have become physicists, but in this way, at least, we follow in his footsteps.

He died at home, for which I'm grateful. He died by degrees, which was excruciating. I expected that by the time came I'd be prepared, having lost him in stages for months and months. I was wrong. There is no way to prepare.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

When I met Michael 23 years ago, I knew pretty quickly that I'd found my person. (After our first official date I called my best friend and told her, he's the one.) But all through our whirlwind courtship (we were engaged in less than a year and married ten months after that), it never occurred to me to wonder what kind of father he'd be. I knew that he would always be my best friend and safe haven, and that he'd make me laugh often, but as I'd never been the kind of girl with fantasies of marriage and parenthood, the thought never crossed my mind.

How lucky I've been. Especially in this past year of major changes and unbearable stresses in our lives, Michael has been my rock and the glue holding everything together, from getting up at 4:30AM to put Garrick on the French class's bus to Quebec to ensuring that Quinlan was properly decked out for the ninth grade dance. He's cooked the family dinners, refereed the fights, negotiated the bedtimes, overseen the chores. For the last year, he's been the complete parental package.

In taking such good care of our kids, Michael's given me the freedom to work the hours needed to prove myself at my new and incredibly challenging job. He's allowed me the space to spend time with my mother as we grieve my father's slow passing over and over together. And he's picked up all the pieces when I come home at the end of the day completely spent, incapable of doing more than taking off my clothes and going to bed.

I couldn't have chosen anyone better to make babies with.

The Way I Remember It

2011-06-09T09:05:00.003-04:00

The way I remember it, it was my mother who convinced my father to allow me to move to New York at the age of 19. I had just completed a disastrous freshmen year at U. Penn, having lost 30 pounds and taken two incompletes out of four courses in the spring semester. I was a functional bulimic and a complete wreck, not at all an obvious candidate to go tough it out alone in such a challenging city, to pursue an impossible profession. I did have a few arguments in the plus column - a decent chunk of money set aside and a talent manager who was willing to rep me if I moved - but any rational analysis would have the negatives far outweighing the positives.

But somehow Mom prevailed, and I moved into a one-bedroom summer sublet (shared with a Penn alum) on the Upper West Side. What started as a summer experiment stretched into a two-year sojourn, full of auditions, demoralizing part-time jobs, a few acting gigs, some self-destructive behavior, and the ultimate realization that I'd squandered my educational opportunities thus far, and that there was already enough ignorance in the world. So, when my leave of absence from school expired after two years, I went back. (I met Michael the very evening I moved back to Swarthmore, and that was that.)

While I lived in New York, my dad contrived to take a sabbatical year and spent it driving to and from Brookhaven National Labs twice a week - conveniently placing him within spitting distance of Manhattan during the commute. He would stop in the city and take me and my roommate out for sushi dinners on a fairly regular basis. I know now that this was his way of supporting me in this crazy undertaking, of which he heartily disapproved, as well as an opportunity to see in person that I was still alive and in (mostly) one piece. He never lectured or harangued, he simply drove into the city and took me out for sushi, then continued on his way to his science experiments.

It took me a long time to realize what a gift that was.

Coup de Vieux, part Deux

2011-05-25T13:14:00.002-04:00

The other week I was putting clean dishes away and automatically placed the "kids' cups" (tall plastic tumblers) on the lower shelf of the wall cabinet. You know, so they'd be able to reach them more easily.

And then I remembered that they're both inches and inches taller than I am.....

No Answers

2011-05-19T12:28:00.002-04:00

Does he realize that he's dying?

Is there any chance he'll come out of this recent downturn?

Does he recognize me? (I know he knows that I'm not Mom, but that's all.)

Does he want to keep fighting, or does he just feel he should?

How long can he possibly live on so little nutrition?

Is he going to slip into a coma?

Does the disconnect between his thoughts and his words worry him, or is he even aware of it?

Is it humane to continue to encourage him to drink Ensure and take his anti-rejection medicine?

Does he remember blowing me a small heart out of glass tubing at his lab thirty-some years ago? (I still have it, unbroken.)

How much longer can this possibly continue?

Storm Clouds

2011-05-16T09:39:00.002-04:00

Any day where I have ten spreadsheets open by 9:30am definitely has the potential to be a disaster.

So Very Tempted to Just Put My Head on My Desk....

2011-05-11T14:14:00.000-04:00

The emails to register for the 2011 PKD walk started arriving in my in-box yesterday. The thought of taking on one more thing right now just makes me want to go fetal, but how can I not?

*Whimper!*

Uh Oh

2011-05-05T14:35:00.003-04:00

So our office moved from West Philly to Center City back in April, and between the intermittently crappy weather and being bed-ridden for a week, I am just now starting to explore our new neighborhood.

Within a 3 block radius, so far I've found:

a Sephora

two great consignment stores

my favorite jewelery store in all the land

a Daffy's

Be very afraid.

Things I Won't Miss about my Old Kitchen

2011-05-04T08:43:00.002-04:00

the dishwasher held together with packing tape

the Brita pitcher that gets disgusting hard water deposits (and worse) all over it

the lack of counter space

the florescent lighting

the lack of hood vent over the stove

the placement of the sink so that it's almost centered on the window but not really

the lack of natural light

the dark, dingy, LOUD cabinets

the lack of storage space

the horribly inefficient pantry

the broken silverware drawer

the ice cube trays

the paucity of electrical outlets

OH AND ONE MORE THING (edited):

the white Corian countertops that a) are white, so show everything; b) are Corian, so they stain, and c) have a double-beveled edge that catches all manner of grime, dirt, and filth and is very hard to clean. Feh.

Demolition begins in two weeks...

Sweet and Sour

2011-04-01T09:51:00.000-04:00

My grandma Ruth taught me how to make lemon squares when I was -- what, maybe twelve? That's about the age I remember getting interested in baking, pulling out my mother's battered copy of Joy of Cooking to make cocoa meringue kisses and chocolate chip cookies.

Grandma Ruth - Dad's mom, for whom I am named - was not a fancy cook, but she put on a good spread whenever we drove up to Queens for a weekend visit. My grandfather Ed was - true to his German heritage - a real meat and potatoes guy, and her cooking was tailored to his tastes. A pork roast, maybe, and perhaps Brussels sprouts. The fatty heel of the roast was always a special treat reserved for my grandfather alone.

As fundamental as those dinners were, Grandma didn't neglect dessert. She was an affectionate, but not overly demonstrative woman, and perhaps the gift of home-baked treats took the place of grandmotherly gushing. Or maybe she just had a sweet tooth. Regardless, there are two desserts for which she was - within the confines of our family- justly famous: her lemon meringue pie and her lemon squares.

As a kid, I had never before encountered anything like her lemon squares, with their rich, buttery crust and tangy, smooth topping. She usually sliced them a little too soon out of the oven, as we were all impatient to eat them. She heaped the crumbly, ragged-edged bars onto a china plate, dusting them with powdered sugar just before bringing them to the table. They weren't gorgeous, but boy were they yummy.

I learned to make those lemon squares by watching her make them, nigh onto three decades ago. She wrote the recipe out for me on a recipe card which now resides - stained and tattered - in a plastic sleeve in my 3-ring binder of miscellaneous recipes. It is the essence of simplicity: five ingredients, and only one mixing bowl needed. No stand mixer or power tools required.

I tried, several years ago, to see whether I couldn't improve on her recipe, embarking on a multi-week baking binge. I tested recipes from Todd English, Rose Levy Berenbaum, and even Martha Stewart. I tried recipes recommended to me by Internet friends and strangers alike. I tried shortbread crusts, cornmeal crusts, and almond crusts. I tried many, many variations of pre-cooked lemon curd. I eventually came up with a formula that resulted in a bar that would cut cleanly, with a crust sturdy enough to package for sale as part of my late, lamented baking business. And they were delicious, and they always sold out quickly.

But lately, whenever I've made lemon squares, I find I'm reaching for my grandma Ruth's well-worn recipe card. I have the components for the "improved" lemon squares already made, in the freezer: shortbread dough for the crust well wrapped, and a vat of home-made lemon curd at the ready.

Still, I end up simply grabbing two sticks of butter, flour, powdered sugar, a few eggs, a lemon. A cheap hand pastry cutter and a mixing bowl. The only deviations from her notecard I make are to substitute butter for margarine and to increase the lemon juice (and use its zest as well). Mix the crust, pat it into a pan, and bake. While the crust cooks, mix up the topping and pour it in top of the hot crust, then back into the oven. let them cool as long as you can bear it, then cut and serve. Dusting of powdered sugar optional.

I'm making a batch this weekend for my father, who has taken a bad turn this week. He is very (more) frail, barely communicative, and very mentally altered. But he is eating, and these lemon squares are his favorite. Whatever slim enjoyment we can provide him these days is worth doing.

GRANDMA RUTH'S LEMON SQUARES

Preheat oven to 350*. Butter only the sides of a 9" x 13" pan.

Crust:
1 1/2 sticks of butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 1/2 cup flour

Topping:
3 eggs
1 1/2 cup sugar
3 Tbs flour
1/3 - 1/2 cup lemon juice (to your taste)
finely shredded zest from one lemon

Mix the crust ingredients like pie dough (I use a pastry cutter), being careful not to overwork it. Press into the bottom of the pan and bake for 15-20 until pale gold -- it should not brown.

While the crust is baking, lightly beat the eggs in a bowl. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix. When crust is baked, pour the topping over the hot crust and return to the oven for 15-20 minutes. The topping should be set but not too firm.

Allow to cool as long as you can stand it prior to slicing and serving. Sprinkle with powdered sugar if you like.

The Post I've Been Avoiding Writing

2011-03-13T14:46:00.003-04:00

I'm losing some weight.

I'm losing some weight, not in an eating-healthy-staying-active way, but in a running-on-anxiety-and-adrenaline-not-eating-enough way. In a not-taking-great-care-of-myself way. I've lost enough weight that people who haven't seen me in a month or two notice it and comment on it. I've lost enough weight that the other week, the mother of an old friend of mine told me I was too thin and should be eating more.

Mind you, I'm not trying to lose weight. Having grossly enlarged kidneys creates a sort of unintended lap-band situation: my stomach is under constant pressure and I rarely feel hungry. Normal meals are out of the question -- I can't eat a bagel without getting heartburn and feeling uncomfortably full for six hours following. So my eating habits have been constrained to grazing throughout the day, eating small amounts at a time. This works well enough when I have the time and mental energy to be thoughtful about what I put in my mouth, but when I'm working 13 hour days without a break, planning six small meals throughout the day goes out the window.

And here's the part that hard to write about, hard to admit: I love it.

I love that all of my pants are so big that even wearing a belt barely makes them wearable. I love looking down and seeing my pre-baby waistline. I love that my collarbones are sticking out and that I feel thin enough to buy a new, teensy bikini to wear on the Mexico beaches in five-days-and-counting.

I love the old familiar light-headed feeling of running on fumes 70% of my day, the endorphin high that comes from knowing that I'm managing to conquer my body's needs. Reminiscent of surviving freshman year of college on Juicy Fruit gum, roasted soy beans, and diet Coke, I imagine that this endorphin rush is much like the high that marathoners experience, having pushed their bodies to their outer limits. It hurts so good. And I'm ashamed of the rush, knowing that my body needs all the healthy it can get right now.

February was National Eating Disorders Awareness Month and it seemed like getting over myself and posting about this was the right thing to do (even in mid-March). It's been (omigod, so many) years since I've been actively eating disordered, but like a recovering alcoholic inhaling vodka fumes on a friend's breath, I can so easily imagine slipping back into the previously-tortured relationship I had with my body and food.

Instead, I'm going to Cancun with my husband for five days. I will sleep, I will recharge, and I will eat as much guacamole as I can, all while wearing my new teesy bikini. When we get back, I have another month of pedal-to-the-metal at work, but I'm going to recommit to a healthy eating plan. I will not obsess about gaining back any of the weight I've lost. (Maybe.)

I'm going to try.

Not Objective

2011-03-10T12:42:00.004-05:00

Granted I can't be objective about this issue, but our local news last night had me steaming and yelling at the TV. Yesterday the archdiocese of Philadelphia suspended 21 priests, pending outcomes of investigations of inappropriate sexual contact with minors. The news coverage was focused on how shocked the parishioners were -- stand-up interviews with nuns and congregants expressing how dismayed they were that their priest was being treated so badly, and that anyone who knew him would know that he would never do anything wrong or less-than-holy.

Which, okay, they're entitled to their reactions and one should guard against a rush to judgment. BUT! The news coverage didn't even ALLUDE to the fact that there are REASONS these 21 priests were suspended. No discussion of the history of abuse by priests, the ongoing collusion of church higher-ups to adhere to a code of silence, and NO mention of the potential/alleged victims. Twenty-one priests potentially abusing kids? We're talking hundreds of victims, conservatively*. To omit that from the newscast is unspeakably irresponsible. Motherfuckers.

* For context around this guesstimate: Gerald Klever was a minister near my hometown for approximately 5 years. When the news of his abuses came to light, over a dozen additional women came forward to provide evidence that they, too, had been abused by him as children. That's close to twenty women -- that we know about -- for one predator in a VERY limited timeframe. You do the math; I can't. It makes me want to vomit.

Worship

2011-03-06T22:10:00.000-05:00

AND LO, the temperatures rose above 50 *F.

YEA VERILY, I arose with the dawn and donned immediately my Good Gardening Shoes.

AND I SAID UNTO the Husband, Forsooth, I shall garden all of this day.

And so it came to pass, and it was exceeding good.

Living with Aspies

2011-02-24T15:17:00.001-05:00

Actual, unretouched conversation with my not-quite-13-year-old:

Me: So, how was school today?

G: Good.

Me: What did you do?

G: Not much.

Me (determined to get some information out of him): What are you doing in French?

G: Nothing much.

Me (now getting really stubborn): Well, what are you doing in science?

G: We're studying genetics.

Me (an opening): Cool! Actually, you and your brother are sort of interesting genetically -- your dad and I both have brown hair and brown eyes, while you and Q both have blond hair and blue eyes.

G: Obviously, you both had recessive genes that came together when you mated.

(It's the "obviously" that, for me, elevates this to art...)

Quibbles

2011-02-15T18:40:00.001-05:00

I watched some of House last night and the patient du episode was receiving a kidney transplant. The donor's posture during the surgery had her appropriately propped so that her flank, or back, was accessible. HOWEVER, the recipient was similarly propped, and that's just not right. When receiving a kidney transplant, the new kidney is placed in the patient's lower abdomen, NOT back where the native kidneys live. That's really not a hard detail to get right, Hollywood Dopes.

***

This new laundry product I'm seeing ads for cracks me up. Do the detergent companies really think that we're stupid enough to spend money on a sheet of fabric to put in the wash, thinking that it will really prevent colors from running onto the rest of the laundry? If colors run in a load of wash, they're running all over that bitch. We're not as dumb as you think we are, Product Development Dopes.

***

Less of a quibble, more of a complaint: why is it that when I'm waiting on a train platform in the freezing cold and wind the train is invariably 3 minutes late, but when I'm 3 minutes late leaving my office and rushing for the last train that will get me home in time for dinner, THAT train is on time?

At least 30th Street Station has WiFi.

Weekend

2011-02-11T09:19:00.002-05:00

Tonight I'm taking my kids to go see their dad star in a hugely entertaining play.

Saturday night I'm going to a fancy party with some of my peeps at which, if I want to, I can get drunkity-drunk-drunk. We gots hotel rooms, man.

Sunday morning I'm sleeping as late as humanly possible.

What I'm not doing this weekend is spending any time at all thinking about, fretting about, or stressing about my job.

So fucking there.

Theatre Widow

2011-02-09T08:49:00.002-05:00

For the last eight weeks, my husband has abandoned me and the kids three nights each week to rehearse the leading role in "Deathtrap" at the Players Club of Swarthmore. Being a theatre widow is nothing new for me; we met in the theatre (got married there, too), and spent the early years of our married life together hop-scotching theatre projects and waving to each other as we passed in the green room.

This one has been different. The stresses of my job and my father's health, when added to the general fatigue of living through the winter, have taken their toll. I get home at night after Michael has left for rehearsal, and I'm asleep by the time he gets home. I (almost literally) haven't seen him since Sunday morning and I feel worn to frizzle.

But! The show is in good shape and opens this Friday for a three week run (info and tickets here). It will be fun to take the kids to see their dad in such a bravura performance. And it will be such a relief to get my husband back.

I just have to make it to Friday.....

Informational

2011-02-07T20:16:00.001-05:00

When folding the kids' laundry at our house, anything inside out belongs to Garrick and anything right-side-out belongs to Quinlan.

Which pretty much sums up the experience of parenting these two goofs.

Proof of My Insanity: Part Two

2011-01-31T21:07:00.002-05:00

When I'm fighting a cold, I deliberately DON'T bring a box of the soft, lotion-y tissues with me to work because I'm afraid that that would make the cold feel WELCOME. Somehow, in my mind, if I don't have the good tissues with me, that will equal less nose blowing.

Result: I spent the afternoon blowing my nose on sandpaper and look like Rudolph.

Updates

2011-01-30T15:29:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago, we thought my dad's days were numbered. After a three-day bout of vomiting, he had been refusing food and meds and his mental faculties were very impaired. Out of nowhere, on the fourth day, he asked for food and started climbing out of the hole. I still have a hard time believing what followed -- three days of absolute lucidity, normal eating (and med-taking), longer periods of alertness and even a few short sessions on the exercise bike.

I spent those days in a constant state of "holy shit."

He has back-slid a little; the gastro-intenstinal upsets keep coming and going, and he's not eating anything like normal quantities. But the lucidity has stayed and it's possible that he could regain some quality of life for some period of time.

Mind. Blown.

***

So in the midst of this, I had my bi-monthly blood draw and my kidney function has slipped to 18%. Yesterday, I got some mail:

"Dear Ms. Fischer:

We are pleased to inform you that your name has been placed on the UNOS kidney transplant waiting list on January 21...."

It's going to be a fun year.

Vigil

2011-01-19T11:40:00.002-05:00

I have a new-found understanding of why women used to do needlework.

Eruption

2011-01-17T20:29:00.003-05:00

The trouble with holding it all together as well as I have is that, like in an off-shore oil rig with shaky maintenance history, the pressure builds until it finds release.

Which it did, this morning.

In my boss's office.

It's been a long time since I've had a job that brought me to tears (non-profit theatre companies, I'm looking at you), and this morning could have been a singularly mortifying experience. Instead, my boss was amazingly cool and insisted that I go home and take time to re-fuel. Which was really kind of unbelievable given the current workload.

***

Dad had a rough weekend brought on by an adverse reaction to Amoxicillan. His tummy finally had settled down by Sunday and today he even ate a little. But tonight he's vomiting again and the feelings of helplessness that I had partially beaten back (by folding laundry, naturally) are right up front and center again.

Boss, if you're reading, I may cry in your office again tomorrow. Just a friendly warning.

Hunkered Down

2011-01-09T19:52:00.005-05:00

Well, hello there. Happy New Year. I hope everyone's holidays were merry and bright. Ours were convoluted and emotional -- it turns out that switching around your holiday traditions to catch your dying father's best time of the day in order to make memories watching old family movies and opening gifts together doesn't really work, because he no longer has a best time of day. I probably would have held it together better if my brother's girlfriend had held it together better, but them's the breaks.

We soldiered on with our annual holiday open house (and it was truly wonderful and diverting to see so many friends), the Christmas eve dinner, the Christmas day brunch, etc., and managed pretty well, all things considering. Then Dad fell four times in three days (none serious, thank goodness) and starting waking up in the middle of the night thinking it was breakfast time.

There is now a baby gate across my parents' staircase (score one for the pack rat daughter whose children have not required baby gates for 10 years or so) to prevent any midnight tumbles.

Dad's highest priority at this point (were he of sound enough mind to express it) is staying out of the hospital. He was of sound enough mind about two weeks ago to reject the idea of running in to HUP for some outpatient tests that may or may not reveal a possible lurking infection.

Which we all interpret as, he's done. No more interventions and treatments, aside from his anti-rejection meds and what he needs to stay comfortable. No more medical speculation. His liver is failing, and he is going to die soon. But he is going to die comfortably, at home. Hospice care started last week and, as long as he doesn't break a hip, we'll be able to keep him where he wants to be, for as long as it takes.

This shit is hard, but we're doing our best.

How My Freezer Is Different from Your Freezer

2010-12-13T08:58:00.004-05:00

In preparation for the holiday baking ~~insanity~~ extravaganza, a few weeks ago I inventoried the contents of the freezer. I expected to find odd bits of buttercream; I was mildly astonished to find 7 different flavors of buttercream. Wanna guess the flavors?

Chocolate, of course. Two big tubs of it.

And vanilla -- one full tub.

A fair quantity of lemon.

And an aliquot of raspberry (made with real raspberry puree).

Some coffee buttercream, from my last round of opera cake-making.

A significant portion of chocolate peanut butter, which I invented for one of the kids' birthdays.

And, finally --

pumpkin buttercream. Yes, really.

These, in addition to the myriad small containers holding a smidgen of dark blue, a smear of mint green, a dollop of peach, a few tablespoons of yellow....

It's possible that an intervention is necessary.

What's in your freezer?

(I will not even mention the three quarts of lemon curd, passion fruit curd, raspberry puree, pastry dough, frozen buttercream flowers in various hues, homemade almond praline, pastry cream....)

Winnah!

2010-12-12T14:41:00.003-05:00

The Adorable Girlfriend wins! AG, watch your email for how to redeem your prize. Note that the gift code is only active through January 31, so don't delay!

Thanks to all -- um, two of you -- who played.

I Suck

2010-12-09T10:18:00.003-05:00

I told you several weeks ago that I had a give away coming up for you, then never posted it. My bad! But the nice people at CSN Stores say it's not too late, so here we go...

CSN Stores is currently promoting their flat screen TV stands site, which looks pretty damn comprehensive. But you can use the $65 gift code on any of their 200 online stores, such as cookware.com or luggage.com. To enter, leave a comment on this post by noon Sunday, telling me how you would spend the money if you win! The winner will be chosen by random drawing. (As CSN can only ship to the US and Canada, the winner's ship address must be in one of these two countries.)

Full disclosure: I am not receiving any compensation for participating in this promotion other than the warm fuzzies I get from passing free stuff to one pretty reader. Go forth and comment!

Morning Commuting Musing

2010-12-09T08:33:00.001-05:00

Is there anything more absurd than a pink canvas tote bag with tiny pink lobsters embroidered all over it?

Imagine what anthropologists would make of this, 500 years from now...

Updates

2010-12-01T20:09:00.004-05:00

UPDATE #1:

My Dad is about the same. Well, sort of. He's not worse overall, and he was a bit better for a few weeks, and now he's a bit worse again. He feels just well enough to be crabby that he's not feeling better, and to realize how much vitality he's lost with this last bout. Ironically, it was probably easier on him when he was sleeping 20 hours a day. He's not gaining back any of the lost weight, but his fluid levels are under better control than they were. So, mixed bag.

UPDATE #2:

My kidney function seems to have stablized at 24%, for now. Fall blood work showed no change since May 2010, which is an unprecedented run. My doc thinks I may have another year or two before needing a transplant at this rate. So, mixed bag, again -- no need for imminent surgery, but another 1-2 years before I can start to feel better.

UPDATE #3:

I decided to give ballet another try tomorrow. Pray for me and my crampy feet.

UPDATE #4:

We have raised $9,868 for PKD research this year. Holy crap!!! If we reach $10,000 by 12/31, I get a different plaque than the one they give you for not quite reaching $10,000. (Just saying!)

UPDATE #5:

It turns out that I'm a big old hypocrite. After all my bleeding-heart waffling over the recent job applicant who turned out to be a registered sex offender, I found myself in knee-jerk reactionary mode a few weeks ago when a close relative of my neighborhood pedophile reached out to me, olive branch extended. I have nothing but sympathy for (most of) his family, I hasten to add, but no patience whatsoever with anything that smells like a defense of this man's character or a tale of redemption for his past sins. Fuck 'im.

Holiday Shopping Made Easy

2010-12-01T09:05:00.010-05:00

You guys know Twining Vine Designs by now, right? My awesome friend Leigh and her gorgeous (and reasonably priced) handmade jewelry? Her Etsy store is here, but I want to share a few of my favorite things with you. (Michael and I are cutting back on gifts to one another this year, but ANY of the earrings below would be within price range! Just saying! Love you, honey!)

Spiral Waves earrings in Argentium silver: $20

Egyptian Coil earrings in Argentium silver: $35

Hammered Copper stick earrings: $19

Of course, the PKD fundraising necklaces are still available, as well: $40, of which $25 will be donated to the PKD Foundation. (This is just one of many reasons why I love Leigh the way I do.)

And of course, this adorable Christmas tree pin makes a great gift at $19 in silver, $15 in copper.

In addition to the above, Leigh has bracelets, cuffs, necklaces, hair ornaments, rings, bookmarks... and the ever-popular gift certificates if you have trouble making a decision. She ships product very quickly (plenty of time before Christmas!), and her shipping rates are outrageous -- in most cases if you order more than one item, shipping is free.

Go show her some love, and stop back here tomorrow, when I'll be showing YOU some love with a Christmas give-away. Smoochies

Seriously?

2010-11-29T16:07:00.003-05:00

Sort by price/highest to lowest? Why on earth would anyone search highest priced items first?

Please tell me I'm not crazy.

Parenting Lesson #852

2010-11-28T19:11:00.002-05:00

Fourteen-year-old boys are no more likely to eat chickpeas if you sing "I am I, Don Garbanzo" at the top of your lungs than if you don't. So you can spare yourself the embarrassment.

You're welcome!

Proof of My Insanity: Part One

2010-11-19T10:45:00.005-05:00

I am stalking a baby. His mom takes my train every morning and he is the most adorable 13-month-old cherub with huge round eyes and sweet puffy cheeks and he looks right at me and waves and high fives and it makes my uterus ache. I am trying to not give his mom any reason to take out a restraining order, but IT IS HARD. I want to nom him up.

I recently read that polycystic kidneys can weigh up to 22 pounds (as compared with a less-than-one-pound average for normal kidneys). Now when I weigh myself, I mentally subtract 5 pounds for each kidney. (What?)

I attended a ballet class last night for the first time in 22 years. At the AGE OF 43. Holy frack, people. On the plus side, I did not (quite) fall down; on the minus side, my feet cramp every time I point my toes. Which, you know, happens a lot in ballet. (We won't even discuss the ronde-de-jambs I performed like a spastic howler monkey.)

Proof of former ballet prowess:

Happy Friday!

DO THIS TODAY

2010-11-17T10:12:00.002-05:00

The wonderful Mir of Woulda Coulda Shoulda has declared today a holiday: International Special Needs Kids Amnesty Day. If you ask me, it's way overdue. Won't you join me in spreading the word on your own blogs?

The holiday comes with six easy rules to follow, such as assuming every child you see is a good human and resisting the urge to judge said child's parents based on the child's behavior. For every child with a visible, obvious disability there is at least one (probably more) child with a disability that is not visible to the naked eye.

So let's all spend a day spreading a little judgment-free goodwill, shall we?

The Best Fracking Pasta Dish Ever

2010-11-15T18:29:00.004-05:00

With Michael away doing Songwriting Stuff in Nashville, I've had to step into the kitchen to make dinners. This pasta dish is from Marcella Hazan, and it is the best damn pasta dish I've ever eaten. Best part -- with Michael away, I don't have to be embarrassed about licking the saute pan.

PASTA WITH HAM AND PEA CREAM SAUCE

1 lb pasta (penne or other tubular shape is nice)
4 Tbs butter
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup frozen peas, thawed (you can use fresh if you have them; saute them in half the butter before adding the onions and additional butter)
1/4 (or more) pound cooked ham, cut into thin strips
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (the good stuff)

Put up a pot of water for the pasta. While the pasta is cooking, heat up a large saute pan. Melt the butter and saute the onion. When it's golden, add the ham strips and the peas. Cook a few minutes until they're all happy together. At this point, if you realize that 1/2 cup onion isn't really enough, quickly chop another 1/2 cup, push the ham mixture to the side, and saute the rest of the onion.

Add the cream to the saute pan, increase heat, and cook until reduced. Taste and add salt/pepper as desired. About now you'll be draining the pasta. Once the cream is reduced and the pasta drained, dump it all in a big bowl (you need room for tossing), add the cheese, and toss with joy. Realize that more cheese is better, so grate some more and toss it in before everything cools. And Marcella says that if another Tbs of butter doesn't alarm you, now is the time to add it.

Serves 4-6. Make sure your spouse/partner and/or kids are out of the room before you lick the pan. Also make sure the pan is cool. Duh.

NOM.

Things I'd Like to Do One Day: Part One

2010-11-11T10:34:00.003-05:00

I didn't do the bucket list meme when it was going around, but I find myself musing about things I'd like to someday experience.

Go shooting at a shooting range. I've never fired a gun, ever, and am complete anti-gun everything. But I think it would permanently change my world view to fire a gun. I'm curious.
Dance until I can't stand up. As a young thing I used to love to go clubbing, but in my dotage, it takes a lot to get me out on a dance floor. (Holla at Maureen, who had the best band EVAH at her wedding!) I'd like to lose myself in the music again the way I used to. (This will probably involve wine as a precursor.)
I'd like to raise $250,000 for PKD research. By the end of 2010 we'll be at about $40,000 aggregate, which is a pretty good start!

Peace out.

A Modest Proposal

2010-11-08T10:29:00.000-05:00

Let's move the clocks back an hour EVERY weekend!! Who's with me?

Body Talk

2010-11-04T09:09:00.003-04:00

Garrick is taking ~~Home Economics~~ Consumer Family Science this term, and interestingly, they have been doing a unit on Teen Body Image.

(Letting that sink in for a moment....)

They're talking about the unrealistic body expectations that TV and other media can promulgate, and about the dangerous things that kids sometimes do to themselves in response.

As a former bulimic and always-recovering body-dismorphic, I find this interesting. Would it have made any difference if I had received these messages at age 12? Would a three-day unit have been enough to contravene the messages I was receiving from Cosmo and Vogue magazines? At the age of 43, I still look in the mirror and wish parts of my body were thinner. (Yes, I know that's ridiculous. Doesn't stop me.)

Don't get me wrong, I think it's an admirable goal, and for my literal-minded, un-socially-aware kid, it will be effective. But I doubt it's going to have a lasting effect on the girls and boys who were weaned on American Idol and The Jersey Shore.

What do you think? Do you talk about body image issues with your kid/s? Are kids wiser today than they were in the mid-1980s, or is it the same scenario, with easier access to anabolic steroids?

My Monday So Far

2010-11-01T09:28:00.002-04:00

Woke up in pitch black
From a sweet dream involving Brad Pitt
To walk the dog in 32* temps
Across a frost-covered field
Without gloves, which have gone missing
After which, wrangled my neighbors' dog, who got loose
When I really didn't have time to chase a dog
Who got muddy footprints all over me
And wouldn't cross back over the electric fence
So I took her collar off
And got shocked myself
And, of course, missed my train.

I figure it's all looking up from here.

How is your morning going?

For the Record

2010-10-22T10:07:00.001-04:00

The kids had their well-visits at the pediatrician this week, and Garrick is officially taller than me at 5'5".

Sigh.

Grapple Grapple

2010-10-21T08:52:00.003-04:00

I realize that between the fall fundraising frenzy and Dad's condition, I haven't written about the kids and back-to-school. Usually, anticipation of the change in routine (particularly with Quin moving to the high school this year) has me wound up for weeks ahead of time, but this year was singularly anticlimactic. Garrick sailed into his second year at the middle school with nary a hitch, along with a new-found desire to join some clubs and get involved with the theatre program (praise be!), while Quin adjusted to the high school quickly with only a few logistical stumbles regarding getting from point A to point B on time. He also is joining clubs, and I still harbor a longing to get him involved with one of the many singing groups. As long as I don't think about how soon he'll be legally allowed to drive, I'm happy...

The irony is that while they are both doing well, I'm seeing shockingly little of them. Initially, my new job was the culprit -- between longer work days and a much longer commute, I'd been getting home around 7:30 - 8 in the evenings with depressing regularity. Now that the job challenges are somewhat more controlled, I'm leaving the office earlier but stopping to visit with my dad (when he's up) and/or mom (when he isn't) in the evenings, so the result is the same. I try to carve out one-on-one time with each of them on the weekends, but it's difficult and when I let myself think about it, it pains me.

Unfortunately, Michael's and my time together is suffering the same syndrome. By the time I get home, he has walked the dog, cooked and served dinner, cleaned the kitchen, supervised lunch-making, and generally taken care of the business of life without me (and this having gotten up at an ungodly early hour), leaving him justifiably pooped. I come home around 7:30-8 (on a good night), unload my dirty coffee cup, kiss everyone, hear the day's headlines, and within an hour I'm in bed, staring glazedly at reruns of "Without a Trace" or whatever semi-watchable dreck happens to be on. It's a real thrill being married to me these days, is what I'm saying, and it's bound to get harder before it gets easier (that's what she said!), but luckily, by the 20th year of marriage, you develop a couple of coping skills as well as faith that things do get better.

All of the above has combined to create in me a sense of disconnect, which I cope with by becoming terribly practical. Is my Mom going to need powers of attorney to access the investment accounts? Under what circumstances would we allow Dad to be hospitalized again v. his staying relatively comfortable at home? Can we afford to convert the playroom to a TV/guest room? What about a location for a memorial service (church-less heathens that we are)? Isn't it lucky that my kidney function has stopped worsening so that Dad and I aren't both sick at the same time?

I'm going to try to combat the disconnect by writing more, even when I don't feel like it. I will try to avoid an endless parade of depressing my-dad-is-slowly-dying posts, but I make no promises.

Is anyone dressing up for Halloween? Discuss!

How Things Are

2010-10-15T19:56:00.001-04:00

When I time my departure from work just right, I arrive at my parents' house while they all (parents and one or more brother and sister-in-law) are sitting at dinner and my father is up for one of a handful of such (brief) interludes throughout the day. Without my mother's insistence that he wake for meals, he would sleep more than the 22-some hours a day he is currently spending in bed. It's hard to remember that as recently as two weeks ago, he was taking brief walks around the neighborhood, trying to get his strength back. A month before that, he was riding his bike.

We don't really know what's wrong. Rather, we know a lot of things that are wrong, but we don't know why they're wrong or how to fix them. Why did this last hospitalization -- for nothing more exotic than dehydration -- spark a downward spiral from which he has not recovered? Why is he showing so many classic symptoms of liver failure when his liver blood work is really not bad? Why did he show a few days of modest improvement two weeks ago, only to backslide so precipitously that we're starting to talk about memorial services?

What we do know is that he's failing, wasting away. He's not eating enough; when he was eating almost enough, his body was rejecting food as quickly as he could take it in. His kidney function is a little impaired (ironically, his and my lab work just about match), but not enough to make him sick. We know that he has no physical energy and has lost most of his muscle mass. We know that he currently weighs a mere 10 pounds more than I do.

At the dinner table, when I lean over to kiss his cheek, my palm on his back registers every distinct rib and impossibly knobby vertebra through the thick, warm bathrobe that he wears over his pajamas. (He is cold all the time, piling blankets over comforters on his bed in an effort to insulate his emaciated body.) We gently encourage another bite of soup, maybe a protein drink, and don't forget to take your pills. We sit around the table and try to talk normally, while vigilantly watching him for signs.

My younger brother quite astutely refers to our current state as "chronic crisis." Not acute crisis, not yet. We think. But add this to what we don't know: we don't know whether he'll ever get any better. We don't know how long he can last like this.

Tomorrow, we walk for PKD, having raised $8,500 for research this year with the incredible help and support of family and friends. It doesn't feel like enough. I've been holding it (mostly) together pretty well so far, but I expect that tomorrow I will be walking through a heavy veil of tears. Whatever is wrong, whatever ends up as the official cause of death, it is PKD that is killing my father.

Tomorrow, I'll be walking for him.

Zoinks!

2010-10-08T12:10:00.001-04:00

Holy cats and kittens, y'all. Our first-ever virtual auction for PKD raised over $1,200! Beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you all so much for participating, and lots of love and kisses with tongue to those who donated, linked, tweeted, Facebooked, ~~inflated bids~~ and otherwise cheered me on.

Go spread some love on these folks, would you? Without them, it wouldn't have happened.

Twining Vine Designs
Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Chookooloonks
Mominatrix
Joshilyn Jackson
A Year of Slow Cooking
Dorie Greenspan
Soul Source Massage
Dream Jam Band
Coles Whalen
Seth Glier
Jen Foster

And two lucky winners have not responded to my fulfillment emails -- if you are one of the below, please email me at rwellsfischer (at) hotmail (dot) com so we can get you your prizes! If I don't make contact with them by the end of the weekend, I'll move down to the next highest bid on both items (the Olive Garden gift card and the book "My China").

kbaguthrie (at) comcast (dot) net

blueeyes371 (at) gmail (dot) com

Total money raised thus far for 2010 is $6,200. Un-freakin-believable.

Look what we did!

Tequila and cupcakes for everyone.

AUCTION: My China

2010-10-05T00:04:00.001-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

"My China: A Feast for All the Senses" by Kylie Kwong is a sweeping culinary travelogue through modern-day China and Tibet. The author journeys to ten cities and provinces, beginning in the Toishan district, the home of her own ancestors. Along the way, she meets and cooks with an array of spirited locals and samples a range of wonderful regional meals and tastes—from the haute cuisine of glamorous Shanghai restaurants to the simple bowls of noodles and pickles at the wooden stalls of Lhasa, and the altogether different and intense spicy heat of traditional Sichuan dishes. With a chef’s passion for new flavors, Kwong discovers authentic recipes and traditional techniques and adapts them to eighty new recipes that readers can make simply at home.

A rich collection of stories, recipes, and beautiful photographs, My China will transport readers to the sights, smells, and flavors of a world that inspires. It is an intimate, captivating look at modern China and all its treasures, and the perfect gift for the holidays for any armchair traveler.

Retail Value: $55
Starting Bid: $15
Minimum Bid Increments: $5

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Wednesday, October 4. Remember to follow the rules!

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Ceci N'est Pas (Exactly) Une Auction

2010-10-04T21:37:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned that my younger brother, in addition to his awesome deck-building skills, is a very talented tie-dye artist? He kept himself in pizza and beer all through college selling his gorgeous creations, first at Grateful Dead concerts, later on campus and finally on consignment at ~~head shops~~ boutiques down on South Street.

When I started gearing up the fundraising this fall, he got out his dyes.

The t-shirts are Hanes Beefy-Tees, the tank tops are ribbed, the rompers have snap crotches (and if you've never seen a toddler in a tie-dyed romper, BRACE YOURSELF for the cute).

Each is one-of-a-kind, hand-made wearable art. Care could not be easier -- the dyes are 100% color-fast; you might want to take extra care with the first washing, but all of these garments can be treated like any other laundry. Adult sizes (including tanks) are $20, rompers are $15.

Rompers, above: Size T-12 (12 months)
Items numbers left to right: #RT12A, #RT12B
Price: $15 each

Rompers, above: Size T-24 (24 months)
Items numbers left to right: #RT24A, #RT24B
Price: $15 each

Ladies' tanks, above: size small
Items numbers left to right: #LTSA, #LTSB
Price: $20 each

Ladies' tanks, above: size medium
Items numbers left to right: ~~#LTMA~~ SOLD!, ~~#LTMB~~ SOLD!
Price: $20 each

Ladies' tanks, above: sizes medium (left) and large (right)
Items numbers left to right: #LTMC, #LTLA
Price: $20 each

Adults' t-shirt, above: size small
Items number: #ATSA
Price: $20

Adults' t-shirts, above: sizes large (left) and medium (right)
Items numbers left to right: ~~#ATLA~~ SOLD!, #ATMB
Price: $20 each

Adults' t-shirt, above: size 2XL
Items number: #AT2XLA
Price: $20

INSTRUCTIONS:

Leave your comment with the item name and number you wish to purchase. (CHECK TO MAKE SURE NOBODY HAS PURCHASED IT ALREADY! I'll try to keep the post up to date, but double-check.)

Then go to www.pkdcure.org/ruth, click the grey "give a gift" button under the progress chart on the right, and donate the appropriate price. When finalizing your donation, LEAVE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, AND ITEM NAME/NUMBER IN THE MESSAGE SECTION. I will mail out your purchase within one business day.

AUCTION: Coles Whalen Package

2010-10-03T00:07:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Coles Whalen is an up-and-coming singer-songwriter, who writes beguiling melodies to strong, thoughtful lyrics. She can be a little bit country and a little bit rock-and-roll, and a little bit jazzy, come to think of it. Starting out as an acoustic guitar performer, she has honed her sound to such a level that in the last year she has opened for both Joan Jett and Pat Benatar. (She’s certainly got the voice for it).

Coles' first full CD, “Gee Baby,” is more quiet work. There are beautiful songs here, reflective stories, like “Sevens” (a ride through the open west, a troubled relationship, and the odometer turning over) and “Manhattan” (an old friend, voice barely audible over the phone, while the lights of New York surround); and sweet ballads like “The Hand That Gives The Rose.”

Her most recent CD “The Whistle Stop Road Record,” shows how far she’s come in terms of orchestration, production and sheer energy. She belts out “Wrecking Ball” (‘You turn me like a steering wheel/You close me like a business deal’) and “Average 20 Something” -- then turns in the utterly gorgeous “So It Is” and a cover of Dire Straits’ “Romeo and Juliet.”

Coles is offering signed copies of both CDs to the winner of this auction.

Retail Value: $24
Starting Bid: $7
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Saturday, October 2. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: The Imperfectionists

2010-10-03T00:04:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

When I ordered a copy of this novel by Tom Rachman for Michael's birthday, Amazon sent me two copies -- hence its inclusion in the auction! Michael's the only one of us who's got 'round to reading it, so he wrote a little review for us:

"Yes, it’s a first novel, and yes the structure is a little twee – interlocking vignettes about staff members of a slowly-dying English newspaper published in Rome. Each vignette spotlights the foibles, the failures, the near-misses of a person’s life in a few well-related incidents. The characters are frustrating, endearing and 'imperfect.'

But the front-page-of-the-Book-Review New York Times analysis by Christopher Buckley says it 'is so good I had to read it twice simply to figure out how he pulled it off.' The characters are just ‘off’ enough you have no idea where each story is going to go, and there are surprises around most of the turns. Immensely satisfying and highly readable, both for long stretches and short bursts."

The Well-Read Hostess happens to have reviewed it last week, as well. And oh yes, Brad Pitt has purchased the movie rights.

Winner gets a brand-new hard-back copy of this intriguing new novel.

Retail Value: $20
Starting Bid: $5
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Monday, October 4. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Cold Stone Creamery Gift Card

2010-10-03T00:01:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Yes, fall has arrived. Doesn't mean we can't still eat ice cream! And this $25 gift card will buy ~~you~~ ~~your family~~ you a LOT of ice cream.

Retail Value: $25
Starting Bid: $5
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Monday , October 4. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Olive Garden Gift Card

2010-10-01T00:07:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Some days, you just need a break from the kitchen. With its huge servings and congenial atmosphere, Olive Garden will make the whole family happy. Winner gets a $20 ~~get out of the kitchen card~~ gift card.

Retail Value: $20
Starting Bid: $5
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Saturday, October 2. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: "Make It Fast, Cook It Slow" Package

2010-10-01T00:04:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Oh boy, are you guys lucky. Slow-cooking blogger and author Stephanie O'Dea is not only autographing a copy of her best-selling cookbook "Make It Fast, Cook It Slow" for the lucky winner, she is ALSO autographing an Advanced Review Copy (fully bound) of her NEW book, "More Make It Fast, Cook It Slow", which is not being released until December. Lucky us!

Stephanie developed her recipes during a year-long project of using her slow cooker every day while blogging about it at the award-winning A Year of Slow Cooking. The recipes are nutritious, economical, gluten-free and family-friendly. Can't ask for more than that...

Retail Value: $40
Starting Bid: $15
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Saturday, October 1. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Copper Bird Pendant

2010-10-01T00:01:00.004-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Another unusual piece from Twining Vine Designs, this pendant is copper on a leather cord. Embossed with the silhouette of a bird, it will dress up khakis and a t-shirt or give a little edge to your business casual wardrobe.

Retail Value: $29
Starting Bid: $10
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Saturday, October 2. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: NeatReceipts Scanner

2010-09-29T00:07:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

The NeatReceipts scanner is no ordinary scanner. Sure, it will make a searchable PDF of your document. But if you send a business card or receipt through it, it will do much more. It will actually parse and digitize the information, populating the NeatWorks database with it, making it possible for you to organize your data any way you see fit.

NeatReceipts is the mobile model, which is about the size of a paper towel tube. Perfect for the business traveler -- no more stuffing receipts into your carry-on, your laptop bag, your purse, your pockets... scan 'em and throw 'em out. And NeatReceipts is powered entirely by its USB cord -- you can scan receipts while sitting on the plane.

After your data is digitized, you can export contacts to Outlook, export receipts to Quicken, QuickBooks (PC version only), Excel or TurboTax (PC version only)... or simply use the proprietary NeatWorks software to create expense reports and organize the receipt data and images. Think of it as your digital filing cabinet.

Of course, it's incredibly handy just for making PDFs of documents, as well.

(Winner chooses PC or MAC version.)

Retail Value: $199.95
Starting Bid: $50
Minimum Bid Increments: $5

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Thursday, September 30. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Jen Foster CDs

2010-09-29T00:04:00.005-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Jen Foster is a prize-winning songwriter who lives in Nashville but plays her music out all over the country. She has high honors in the International Songwriting Competition, the John Lennon Song Contest, the USA Songwriting contest, and many more.

Jen knows country but prefers pop, understands the value of a great lyric, and comes up with driving melodies that stick with you. She is a big-hearted person and was eager to contribute to this auction. Jen is offering signed copies of all three of her CDs (“Everybody’s Girl,” “The Underdogs” and last year’s “Thirty-Nine”) plus a T-shirt.

Jen will be here in Philly at the Tin Angel on October 10, doing a solo show. You can find other gigs on her calendar at www.jenfoster.com.

Retail Value: $60
Starting Bid: $15
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Thursday, September 30. Remember to follow the rules!

YOU MUST LEAVE A VALID EMAIL ADDRESS WITH YOUR BID!

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AUCTION: Snowy House Copper Pendant

2010-09-29T00:01:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Something a little different! This hand-crafted copper pendant by Twining Vine Designs is embossed with a snowy house scene. Perfect with jeans or casual business attire, it comes with a sterling chain.

Retail Value: $29
Minimum Bid: $10
Bidding Increment: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Thursday , September 30. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Cookie Club

2010-09-27T00:07:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

This one's going to work a little differently, in that the top three bidders will win six deliveries of a dozen home-made, all natural cookies each. Made by me.

Deliveries will be made over the course of a calendar year, starting in October. Each delivery will be a different variety of cookies, and may include meringues, sables, biscotti, and who-knows-what-all. I'll surprise you.

Retail Value (CORRECTED): $72
Starting Bid: $20
Minimum Bid Increments: $5

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Tuesday, September 28. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Four Hand-Crafted Bookmarks

2010-09-27T00:04:00.002-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

If you're like me, you're often trying to come up with a little gift for someone on short notice. Look no further than this set of four hand-crafted bookmarks from Twining Vine Designs. I'm not sure which designs will be included in the set for the winner, but each is more lovely than the next -- I'd be hard-pressed to pick a favorite.

Retail Value: $18
Starting Bid: $6
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time Tuesday, September 28. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Baking from My Home to Yours

2010-09-27T00:01:00.002-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

This book is the bomb. It's the bee's knees. It's the shizz. (It's the book I relied upon heavily when doing weekly bake sales for PKD three years ago.) It is chock-full of everything you could want in a dessert book: cookies, quick breads, cakes both simple and fancy, pies, tarts, muffins, ice creams.... None is too fancy or intimidating, and the combination of well-written recipes, full-color photographs, and personal essays scattered about makes this book a joy to sit down with.

Acclaimed cookbook author Dorie Greenspan has a wonderful habit of giving you variations on many of the recipes, as well, so instead of just a creamy basic cheesecake recipe, you get 7 additional variations for the filling AND 4 variations for the crust -- because that's the kind of baker she is.

Dorie is signing a copy of this wondrous tome for the lucky winner.

(You must try the biscotti. And the cranberry-lime galette. And the blueberry-sour cream ice cream...)

Retail Value: $40
Starting Bid: $15
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Tuesday, September 28. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: The Mominatrixs's Guide to Sex

2010-09-25T00:11:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

I'm going to let author Kristen Chase's blurb speak for itself:

"Whether your post-baby sex life suffered only minor speed bumps or you had to relearn how to drive, having kids does really change everything. It's not that your libido got stranded at the hospital but rather it just went on mini-hiatus...

The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex will help you get back what’s rightfully yours. No harsh judgments, boring commentary, or embarrassing exercises. Just a frank, funny discussion about sex after kids for new moms and seasoned veterans. From the nitty gritty on pregnancy and post-partum sex to spicing things up when the flame starts to burn out, even a chapter that's just for the dads, the Mominatrix takes on everything you need to know or want to ask."

The author of the wildly popular blog Motherhood Uncensored will autograph a copy of this must-have tome for the lucky winner!

Retail Value: $15
Starting Bid: $5
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Sunday, September 26. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Bubbles Pendant

2010-09-25T00:08:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

If you're not yet a fan of Twining Vine Designs, you just haven't been paying attention! All pieces are hand-made and uniquely beautiful. This pendant in argentium sterling silver was inspired by the artist's young son's fascination with blowing bubbles. Can't you see it? A charmingly original statement piece, the pendant can worn with a chain strung through any of the holes for lots of options.

Winner receives the pendant without a chain; of course, any silver chain will suit it.

Retail Value: $29
Starting Bid: $10
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Sunday, September 26. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Seth Glier Package

2010-09-25T00:05:00.005-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

(Wait, that wasn't meant to sound dirty...)

The dynamic Seth Glier was just signed by Mpress Records, with his third album, “The Trouble With People.” If you haven’t seen Seth yet, it’s not for want of trying. He and his best friend-partner-side-man-producer Ryan Hommel have been up and down the East Coast, through the Midwest, out to the West Coast, and even over to Scotland in the last couple of years.

Glier was raised on the music of Joni Mitchell, Martin Sexton and Jeff Buckley, but considers his brother to be his greatest influence. “My brother is autistic and non-verbal. I learned to communicate with words better once I realized how to communicate to someone without them.”

Winner of this auction will receive three CDs of Seth's -- "Space", "Sojourn", and "The Trouble with People", each personally inscribed to the winner. In addition, Seth is donating a T-shirt and will hold two free tickets for any of his concerts. East Coasters will see this Massachusetts native most often, but Seth and Ryan will be all over the country in the coming year promoting the new CD. They are booked at the Tin Angel in Philadelphia on December 4.

Be able to say you knew him when.

Retail Value: $100
Starting Bid: $25
Minimum Bid Increments: $10

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Sunday, September 26. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Massage

2010-09-25T00:01:00.003-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Soul Source Massage in Swarthmore, PA is run by my dear friend and most excellent masseuse, Susan. She has generously supported our PKD fundraising since year one, and is donating an hour-long massage to the winner of this auction. She works in many modalities, including deep tissue -- my favorite. Tell her I sent you.

Retail Value: $75
Starting Bid: $25
Minimum Bid Increments: $5

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Sunday, September 26. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Christmas Tree Pin

2010-09-23T00:05:00.004-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

This charming Christmas tree pin in argentium sterling silver from Twining Vine Designs can be deceptive. It seems unassuming. But pin it to your jacket lapel or to the cowl of a big-necked sweater, and you've created instant (non-tacky) holiday cheer. I wear mine pinned to a red turtle-neck sweater, and it makes me smile every time I catch sight of it.

Perfect as a holiday gift for a favorite teacher or neighbor, or as a little treat just for yourself. You deserve it.

Retail Value: $19
Starting Bid: $6
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Friday, September 24. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: The Beauty of Different

2010-09-23T00:03:00.002-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Karen Walrond is well-known among the blogosphere as one of the first wave of women bloggers writing with compelling honesty about parenting, as well as for her gorgeous photography. In her first book, "The Beauty of Different," she pairs striking imagery with thoughtful essays and insightful commentary and interviews to create a bold exploration of the uncommon beauty that exists in all of us, challenging our notions of self.

The bad news is the book isn't being released until November 15, so you're going to have to wait for it. The good news is, Karen is donating a signed copy to the lucky winner. Sweet!

Retail Value: $25
Starting Bid: $7
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Friday, September 24. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Signed Flyers Hockey Stick

2010-09-23T00:01:00.004-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

Some kids' books stick with you, and one of my favorites was always "The Flying Hockey Stick." Do you remember it? Barnaby Jones creates a flying machine out of a hockey stick, a fan, duct tape, and a VERY long extension cord. Off he goes with a bag of peanut butter sandwiches, and has the most wonderful adventures.

What does that have to do with this auction item? Well, nothing. But, it IS a hockey stick. Signed by Philadelphia Flyer Danny Briere, it's sure to be a collectors' item. But see, I don't know anything about sports. So, while I can't guarantee it flies, if you are a sports fan, it probably ranks as a pretty cool hockey stick.

(Okay, you want sports? Danny Briere lead the 2010 Stanley Cup playoffs in scoring with 30 points [12 goals and 18 assists] and in the process broke the record for points in a postseason game by a Flyer, previously held by Reggie Leach, who had 28. So there.)

Estimated Retail Value: $125
Starting Bid: $50
Minimum Bid Increments: $5

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Friday, September 24. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Leave It in the Soup

2010-09-21T00:07:00.003-04:00

AUCTION CLOSED!

I admit to some bias, here. The lead singer of The Dream Jam Band and I go waaaaaaaay back. So far back, I refuse to count. But don't let that interfere with your getting to know them on their own merits. In a world where most kids' music is insipid dreck and kids' rock-and-roll is a joke, The Dream Jam Band writes clever, musically sophisticated fare that will thrill the young 'uns and leave Mom and Dad humming, as well. You won't mind these ear-worms at all.

Winner gets a copy of their new CD, "Leave It in the Soup." And, a special note -- they're performing this Saturday at World Cafe Live with a 10:30 show. Stop by; we'll be there!

Retail Value: $10
Starting Bid: $4
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Wednesday, September 22. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Musical Dangle Earrings

2010-09-21T00:06:00.002-04:00

AUCTION CLOSED!

Have a music teacher with a birthday coming up? Need jewelry to wire to choir practice? Or just feel like adding a mental soundtrack to your day? These earrings, hand-made of argentium sterling silver by Twining Vine Designs, will surely fill the bill. Hanging length is about 1.75"

Retail Value: $20
Starting Bid: $6
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Wednesday, September 22. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: gods in Alabama & Backseat Saints

2010-09-21T00:05:00.003-04:00

AUCTION CLOSED!

I first discovered Joshilyn Jackson through her incredibly entertaining blog Faster than Kudzu and was instantly hooked. From that ~~gateway drug~~ beginning, I quickly advanced to checking her novels out of the library and then succumbed to simply buying them in hardback. The week they publish. Hey, I can stop any time I want to!

Signed copies of "gods in Alabama" and "Backseat Saints", two of her four very successful novels, are coming at the winner of this auction. I suggest you clear your schedule.

Retail Value: $32
Starting Bid: $10
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Wednesday, September 22. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Silver Hoop & Copper Bead Earrings

2010-09-19T12:20:00.007-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

All of the jewelry at Twining Vine Designs is hand-made from silver and copper. This pair of deceptively simple earrings combines the two metals with understated elegance. I own this pair and wear them frequently -- they go with everything from business casual to shorts and a t-shirt. They've become my go-to earrings.

Retail Value: $18
Starting Bid: $6
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Monday, September 20. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Iron Hill Brewery

2010-09-19T12:00:00.010-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

We are very grateful to the fine folks at Iron Hill Brewery for supporting our annual auctions for the last several years. This brew pub with locations in Pennsylvania and Delaware serves hand-crafted beer and creative food in a casual atmosphere. This $20 gift card will be a great excuse to schedule a date night soon...

Retail Value: $20
Starting Bid: $5
Minimum Bid Increments: $2

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Monday, September 20. Remember to follow the rules!

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AUCTION: Around My French Table

2010-09-19T12:00:00.009-04:00

BIDDING CLOSED!

This brand-new cookbook by Dorie Greenspan is garnering rave reviews. Chatty, personable, and full of stories from Dorie's years of living and cooking in France, this beautiful book is chock-full of gorgeous pictures and contains over 300 accessible recipes. Dorie is providing a signed copy of her book to the lucky winner!

Retail Value: $40
Starting Bid: $15
Minimum Bid Increments: $3

To bid, leave a comment on this post with your bid amount and a valid email address. Bidding closes at midnight eastern standard time, Monday, September 20. Remember to follow the rules!

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Auction Preview

2010-09-18T21:54:00.003-04:00

From September 19 - October 6, I'm going to be hosting a virtual auction right here on Lemonade and Kidneys to raise money for PKD! I hope you'll stop by often, as the offerings will rotate every few days. (I'm making this up as I go, so if you encounter problems along the way, please let me know...) Hope to see you here!

Here is a preview of items we'll be auctioning (subject to change):

Books:

a signed copy of “The Mominatrix’s Guide to Sex” by Kristen Chase (9/25-26)

a signed copy of “The Beauty of Different” by Karen Walrond (9/23-24)
signed copies of “gods in Alabama” and “Backseat Saints” by Joshilyn Jackson (9/21-22)
"The Imperfectionists” by Tom Rachman (10/3-4)

Jewelry by Twining Vine Designs:

Silver hoop earrings with copper beads (9/19-20)

Musical dangle earrings (9/21-22)
Bubbles pendant (9/25-26)
Copper bird pendant (10/1-2)
Copper snowy house pendant (9/29-30)
Silver Christmas tree pin (9/23-24)
Set of four silver bookmarks (9/27-28)

Defying Categorization:

a NeatReceipts mobile scanner with optical character recognition software (9/29-30)

a hockey stick signed by Philadelphia Flyer Eddie Briere (9/23-24)
a massage with Soul Source Massage in Swarthmore (9/25-26)
Wearable art: tie dyed shirts, toddler rompers, silk scarves from Jason Fischer (10/1-2)

Food:

$20 gift card from Iron Hill Brewery (9/19-20)
$20 gift card from the Olive Garden (10/1-2)
$25 gift card from Cold Stone Creamery (10/5-6)
Cookie Club: 6 deliveries of fresh, all-natural baked goods from Ruth Wells Fischer (9/27-28)

Cookbooks:

a signed copy of “Around My French Table” by Dorie Greenspan (9/19-20)

a signed copy of “Baking from My Home to Yours” by Dorie Greenspan (9/27-28)
“My China – A Feast for All the Senses” by Kylie Kwong (10/5-6)
signed copies of “Make It Fast, Cook It Slow” and “More Make It Fast, Cook It Slow” by Stephanie O’Dea (10/1-2)

Music:

"Leave It in the Soup" by Dream Band Jam (9/21-22)

set of two CDs from Jen Foster (9/29-20)
signed copies of "Gee Baby" and "Whistle Stop Road Record" by Coles Whalen (10/3-4)
music package from Seth Glier including signed copies of "Space", "Sojourn" and "The Trouble with People", a t-shirt, and two tickets to any of his upcoming concerts (9/25-26)

Undone

2010-09-17T17:46:00.002-04:00

I was fine until Garrick told me, over the phone, that he had prepared a "nice tomato salad" for my dinner and it would be waiting for me on the counter when I got home.

Dad's back in the hospital, severely dehydrated and in a very weakened state. I've been sitting by his bedside the last few evenings trying to not come completely unglued, but tomorrow I'll be at the Swarthmore sidewalk sale, raising money for PKD research via baked goods and tie dyed T-shirts.

Come and say hi, won't you?

Getting Serious

2010-09-16T09:08:00.000-04:00

It’s human nature to deny. To expect the best. To assume that all will be well. I’m as susceptible to it as anyone. When I was diagnosed with PKD at age 19, I decided that I would be among the small percent of patients who never experience kidney failure as a result. And when my kidneys began to fail at age 38, I believed whole-heartedly that one of my (very-willing) brothers would be accepted as an organ donor, would be a good match for me, that my surgery will be without complications, that my body will not reject the new organ, and that life will go on as usual post-surgery.

(I still believe that last part. I have to.)

But I know better.

The thing is, even when all of the above very-complicated issues go right, the life of a transplant patient is rarely happily-ever-after. Immune suppression, rejection episodes, repeat transplants, chronic infections, diabetes, liver failure, peripheral neurophathy, chronic severe gastro-intestinal distress, yo-yoing weight, and recurring bouts with severe dehydration are among the health complications that my father has had to cope with in the 30 years since his first kidney transplant. Recently, a year without multiple hospitalizations is unusual enough to cause comment.

Dad’s fight is getting harder, lately. And it’s getting harder to stay in denial about the long-term effects of this disease. But I have to believe that there is a solution, somewhere, to this unending spiral of complications and bad health that follows in the wake of kidney transplantation. It’s why I keep fighting.

I really don't see any alternative.

Winnah!

2010-09-14T12:38:00.003-04:00

Thanks to all who participated in the necklace promotion/giveaway! Magpie, you gone and won yourself a necklace. Shoot me an email with your preference of single or double (see right-hand sidebar for pics) and your mailing address, and we'll get your necklace right out to you.

Also, please to mark your calendars for ~~the next phase of my nervous breakdown~~ our first-ever virtual auction for PKD, which will run from September 19 - October 6 (ish), with auction offerings changing every few days. We've got signed cookbooks, CDs, jewelry, baked goods, restaurant gift cards, a signed Flyers hockey stick... something for everyone! So come on by and get an early start on your holiday shopping.

Or, you know, just send tequila.

Scenes from a Summer

2010-09-07T21:09:00.000-04:00

So, in between bitching about being tired and watching my new deck being built, it turns out that we did actually have a wonderful summer.

I found a little time to garden:

And Garrick and I spent a wonderful day in Manhattan feeding pigeons and visiting the Bodyworlds exhibit:

We drove up to the Finger Lake region to visit family, and Quin & Garrick met some second cousins they didn't even know they had:

Garrick got a short lesson in boat driving from Uncle Ernie:

While up north, we took a side trip to Niagara Falls. That's a whole lotta water.

While there, we visited the aviary down at the end of the strip and Quinlan made a friend:

We saw a wonderful production of "Cherry Orchard" at the Shaw Festival while we were up there, and afterward, on the sidewalk, Garrick got the thrill of his life upon encountering the actress playing the young ingenue.

We also made our annual pilgrimage to the Jersey shore:

Due to crazy, rainy weather, we grabbed our beach time when we could. Those are my kids in the moonlight.

And I celebrated my mid-life crisis by cutting off all my hair.

All in all, an eventful summer!

Here We Go

2010-08-31T20:07:00.000-04:00

The PKD awareness/fundraising jewelry sale is live! Are these not gorge?

Double Kidney ($40, of which $25 will be donated to the PKD Foundation):

Single Kidney ($32; $20 of which will be donated to the PKD Foundation):

Leigh of TwiningVines Designs is the talented mastermind behind this project, and I can't thank her enough. She is donating her time and covering only her materials costs in the pricing structure. Aren't I lucky to have such a friend?

***

We're trying to get these links posted as may places as we can, so I'm going to make this a little interesting. Blog, Tweet or Facebook the links and I'll enter you in a random drawing to receive the necklace of your choice as a gift from me. Win-win! Leave a comment on this post by midnight on September 10 to tell me where you posted the links, and include a valid email address to be entered into the drawing.

Smoochies!

Possibility

2010-08-20T15:02:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow's the hair appointment, and it's decision time. What do y'all think of this?

Stuck in Stage 4

2010-08-19T20:36:00.002-04:00

I had blood work done over the weekend, and the good news is that kidney function hasn't gotten worse since the last round, in May. Holding steady at 24% function! The bad news is that I have to get sicker before I get better, as my transplant center won't get serious about preparing for a transplant until I'm at 20% function or worse.

There's something seriously fucked-up about my wishing that my numbers were worse in order that the light at the end of the tunnel might seem a little closer.

No Answers

2010-08-16T20:07:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, a man in his maybe-late-50s walked into my place of business. Someone near the front door directed him to me (goodness knows why), and I put on my most pleasant professional face to find out what he needed. Turns out he was looking for work, and I could tell without looking at his single-sheet resume that it was going to list a hodgepodge of manual and menial jobs, with no education, career path or white-collar sensibility in evidence. He was mild-mannered and sweet, and I told him that I’d be happy to keep his resume on file, but that there were no current openings, and sent him on his way with a smile and a “good luck.”

His resume was much as I had assumed it would be, with the added inconsistency of several gaps where no job at all was listed for significant periods of time. At the top, in place of a “professional goal” or “significant qualifications” paragraph, he had written that he was a hard worker and was “looking to get his life back on track.”

That touched a chord, somewhere – I probably assumed that he was a recovering addict, or something equally worthy of my earnestly bleeding-heart support – so I sent his resume over to our warehouse manager with an optimistic note. He is always looking for reliable workers, but tends toward the irascible, so I didn’t hold out much hope that he’d call this wandering soul in for an interview.

So imagine my surprise when, upon returning from vacation, my boss informed me with a sly grin that the warehouse manager had, in fact, called the man in for an interview. The interview had gone well, right up until the end, when the applicant asked the manager if he had heard of Megan’s Law.

(pause.....)

As our warehouse is located near an elementary school, that was the end of the interview.

…

…

And I feel like I should be having a stronger reaction to this information. God knows, I’d be entitled. But I find myself vacillating between feeling vaguely squicked-out at how pleasant I was to him, and thinking that it’s a shame that this unprepossessing man is trying and failing to put his life back together. Then I wonder how I’d feel about it if my kids attended the elementary school near our warehouse.

So I don’t know, and I wish I did.

On the one hand, I don’t think the answer is to paint a big red M for Molester on the chest of anyone who gets caught peeing behind a dumpster or having sex with a 15-year-old girlfriend at the age of 19. On the other hand, if there had been a sex offenders list 30 years ago, a lot of girls in the town I grew up in might have been spared a lot of anguish.

No answers on this one.

JUST ONCE

2010-08-12T21:16:00.002-04:00

I'd like to come home from a vacation and actually look rested.

Right now, my eyebags have bags of their own.

Seriously.

I Have the Best Friends

2010-08-02T09:15:00.004-04:00

My friend Leigh is a jewelry designer who hand-fabricates the most beautiful items (some of which I've posted here before). And when the PKD fundraising madness descended again, she made the most incredible offer.

She'd like to design and sell a PKD awareness necklace (kidney-shaped!), with net proceeds from all purchases going to the PKD Foundation.

(Pause here to stand in amazement at such thoughtful generosity and sniff a little bit.)

Leigh's been working on some prototypes, and we'd both love some input. Leave comments, please! And if you're buying birthday gifts or doing early holiday shopping, make with the clicky and go visit Leigh's shop for lots of affordable gorgeousness.

Hammered Silver

Silver with Hammered Copper Backing

Double Silver

Smooth Silver

Which one/s do you like best?....

You Know It's Bad When...

2010-08-01T11:29:00.001-04:00

... your dreams are all about how tired you are.

Word.

Burning Question

2010-07-30T11:27:00.004-04:00

I am seriously considering a pixie cut at my next hair appointment. The last time I had a pixie cut was when Michael and I met in 1988 and he almost cast me as Puck in "A Midsummer Night's Dream" as a result. (He came to his senses and cast me as Hermia, and we fell in love while rehearsing that most magical of plays.)

What do you think? Is 43 too old to pull off a pixie cut?....

Gun-Shy

2010-07-26T12:29:00.003-04:00

Two weeks ago I did something I've never done before -- I took down (unposted?) a post here at Lemonade & Kidneys. It was from three months ago, and it was discussing impressions and reactions to my first few weeks at my new job. And while it wasn't incendiary or really even mean-spirited, it was perhaps a little blunt.

And someone from work found my blog.

And I got outed to my boss, which sucked just about as much as you might think it would.

I truly couldn't imagine what I'd posted to cause a negative reaction, as I think I'm very conservative (usually) about anything that might cause offense, but upon re-reading, I could certainly understand how people's feelings were hurt, and I was MORTIFIED -- on several levels, not the least of which being that I was always the kid getting her feelings hurt over trivialities, and I felt awful that something I wrote had had that impact on anyone.

But I was also mortified that someone had come away with an impression that really didn't match my true feelings. I loathe being misunderstood or misinterpreted, and that button got pushed pretty hard. And I've only myself to blame, for being a little flippant in choosing my words.

***

There were no real reprecussions at work. After my initial orgy of self-recrimination, I calmly and sincerely apologized to the people I needed to apologize to, and my boss recognizes that no harm was intended. Still, I now find myself hesitant to post about anything. Kids? Health? Family? All now seem to be potential minefields. I want to just get over it, but I'm stuck.

(And thanking my stars that I've never posted about my sex life, or anything TRULY mortifying.)