As a sign of just how far 'round the bend I have swerved, I will share the embarrassing factoid that I have now spent in excess of a full hour (time which I cannot spare) surfing the website of a children's furniture vendor who has approached me to do a giveaway (my first!) on this blog. You would think it would be easy to select an item in the $100 range and post "Hi, Peeps! Leave a comment and win an ____ !", but it has absolutely paralyzed me.
Right now balance seems completely unattainable. In the several weeks since I've last blogged many interesting and noteworthy things have occurred, and yet the experience of each skitters away from me like a suddenly-illuminated water bug as I careen ever-onward to the next set of obligations and commitments. The baking business continues to take up more time and energy than is available, my day job continues to be unspeakably stressful, my kids' lives have been full of birthdays and activities and playdates and field trips and pool outings and logistics, I'm trying to get my vegetable garden underway, fundraising season is almost upon me, and I've barely seen my husband in the last few months, and on and on.
So naturally, last night I went out to Wednesday Spaghetti at her house.
I don't think I've ever written here about the difficulty I have making friendships with women. It makes me anxious. Kristin talks passionately about the many ways that women lie to each other (both directly and indirectly), and when she hosted Wednesday Spaghetti a few weeks ago, she explicitly did not make herself crazy cleaning the house and putting on the hostess show. She and her husband put out folding tables, cutlery and chilled beer, and let the rest happen. And it was comfortable and I made new friends and did not judge myself against the other women there and it was awesome. (For the record, I want to be Kristin when I grow up.)
So when Emily sent her invitation, there was no way I was going to miss it, even though it meant starting the week's baking a few hours later than usual. And it was relaxed and comfortable and I saw friends both new and old and it was great to just chill for an hour. (And if she ever offers you homemade strawberry-rhubarb crisp, EAT IT. Do not hesitate.)
I stepped back for an hour last night, and it gave me a little bit of a push to get through the rest of the evening's obligations. I'm still exhausted and strung out, my shoulder is in spasm for the third time in six weeks, and I'm anxious about next month's blood work, but Wednesday Spaghetti is lodged in my memory bank as a delightful oasis in a sea of stress. I'm looking forward to the next one already.