SO. I was out walking Theo last night and banged into a neighbor/casual acquaintance who was out walking her dog. Theo luuuuuuuurvs her pooch, so we stopped to say hello and how-ya-doing. Turns out that M's husband is in the process of leaving her, and she's in that emotional state where it's impossible to answer a casual question lightly, so we ended up standing on the dark sidewalk and chatting for a good fifteen minutes.
Now, this is a woman with whom I am friendly, but we are not friends in any more than a casual way. But you know how it is sometimes with the raw wounds and the over-sharing, right? It turns out that M's husband of 25 years has been cheating on her for 23 of those years, with various other women. He has apparently finally found someone "worth leaving M for" and is making her (M's) life as brutally miserable as he can on his way out the door. Needless to say, M is devastated and cannot yet envision being able to pick up the pieces.
I was as supportive and encouraging as I could be while Theo was sniffing her dog's butt.
What gets me most, I think, is the idea that someone could live in the same house with you for 25 years and be living a lie, day in and day out, for 23 of those goddamn years. I'm no dewy-eyed romantic -- 17 years of marriage will knock that out of you pretty quickly -- but I can't imagine the sheer energy that went into all that falsehood.
I came home from the walk chilled to the bone -- I should have worn gloves, dammit -- and incredibly thankful for what Michael and I have built between us. There have been some dark and scary times in the last 17 years, but honesty has always gotten us through. What a relief it is to have a partner you can always trust not to run when you tell them your darkest, most hidden secrets.
I wish the same for you in your lives, dear internets.
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4 comments:
That is SO sweet. I can't see myself ever getting married. I have trust issues & somewhat of a bitter outlook on humanity in general & to this day have never had a relationship. But it's incredibly encouraging to know that wonderful ones exist.
Wow, yeah that is a long time to be a cheatin scumbag, 23 of 25 years of marriage. Both my husband and I had parents that did cheat on their spouses, and it was something we both felt was a deal breaker for a relationship, so, while marriage has had its ups and downs, the trust has always been there, and for that I am truly thankful.
Gah, that's fascinating. Mostly because Bossy didn't think they allowed cheating or divorce in your small idyllic town.
I'm sorry your neighbor is going through this and even more sorry that her soon-to-be-ex is making it harder than it needs to be. But, I'm not surprised by anything anymore. A friend of mine just discovered that her husband of over 20 years has had secret credit cards--bills going to a PO Box that she didn't know about. Over $70k in debt!! I never would have thought this man would do something like that--he seems like such a nice, sweet guy.
So, yes, treasure your dear hubby. He is indeed a treasure. :-)
Ann
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